The Reason
by Chance
Summary: Daniel's thoughts in his journal after Sam asks a question. Slash Jack/Daniel


The Reason

Author: Chance

E-mail: chance@renenet.net

Feedback: Please

Category: n/a

Pairing: Jack/Daniel, there is no other g

Spoilers: None, or if there are they're so minor you'd have to really look.

Season/sequel/series: None

Rating: PG

Content warnings: None, I still say slash isn't a warning

Summary: Daniel's musings in his journal after Sam asks a question

Archive: Renenet, JD archive, Area 52, anyone else please ask. Also, please don't forward this or put it on _anything_ Yahoo. I hate them with a passion g

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 or anything officially related to it. Just borrowing for fun…

Author's notes: This just happened at work, I don't know why but when the muses _finally_ talk after a long absence, you listen g 

Many thanks to Ali, Jennie, and Juliette for the beta, I really appreciate it guys, thanks! 

For AT, I miss you.

Journal entry, sometime in October, year unspecified:

Sam asked yesterday about Jack and I, if we were together or not. I wasn't going to lie to her. Screw "don't ask, don't tell". She's one of my best friends; she deserved to know. She wasn't shocked; said it was obvious to those who knew us. 

I don't know whether to be grateful or sad that no one else has bothered to approach one of us about it. It sucks – to borrow a term from Jack – that we have to keep things "secret", that we can't let anyone know about us. We love each other yet we can't really go out in public as a couple, can't hold hands during a walk, can't dance together at most parties, we even have to be careful with how much affection we show each other, because, and I quote, "straight men don't act like that," at least according to Primetime television they don't.

It's frustrating as hell.

Anyway, back to Sam; she told me she was really happy for us, was glad that we'd finally figured it out and done something about it. Then she said it took a lot of guts to be together, especially in the military with today's attitude. The "witch hunts" may have been over, but she knew and I knew that there were still a lot of people out there who continually watched for signs of"gay". As if there were such a thing. She and Janet have to hide everything, even the fact that they're "unofficially" raising Cassie together, and I don't mean as friends. That surprised me; I'd had no idea whatsoever that Sam and Janet were anything more than friends. I guess Jack and I aren't the only ones with secrets.

Sam asked me when I knew Jack was the one. She had all kinds of questions, just as I did for her. I figure that when you know someone else has the same secret to keep, you want to share everything, to just feel so alone anymore. Jack being the one though, that was a hard question to answer. Of course I _knew_; I'd started analyzing my feelings the moment they occurred to me. What good scientist wouldn't? It wasn't something I could exactly articulate though. Yes, I know, I'm a linguist and I couldn't find the words; if Jack ever reads this I won't hear the end of it.

When Sam asked, I had to sit and think about it for a bit.

How do I break down my feelings for Jack into concise bits when they're all tangled up inside? It's hard to separate them. I love him for all of him. His sense of humor, his caring, his mother henning (when it isn't completely out of control), his willingness to stand for what's right even when no one else agrees, I even love the way his hair sticks up in the morning. It does this kind of swoop in the back and spikes up in the front. He hates it when I tell him how cute it makes him look, but I don't care, it's hard to resist him like that…or at any other time for that matter.

He consumes me. It sounds like one of the bad romance novels that one of my foster mother Janice used to read, but it's true. Jack's my whole world. When he's around I can't see anyone else. Which is a good thing considering he thinks every walking, talking red-blooded human, and alien, seems to have an interest in me. I think he's delusional, but he's cute when he's jealous. When Major Davis is around, I'm lucky if Jack will get more than five feet from me. Have I mentioned how much I like having Davis around?

At night, when we're at his house – I like it better than mine, no neighbors and he lets me keep my fish there, not to mention all of my other artifacts that have made their way over here – all the barriers we have to keep between us at work drop away. He loves to watch me cook, or rather, he likes to get right up behind me and hold me while I cook. I've learned to keep everything I'll need within easy reach because once Jack has me, he does _not_ like to let me go. He snuggles up right behind me and hugs me around my waist and puts his chin on my shoulder. It's really…nice. I feel more at home here than anywhere else I've been, and I know that's because of Jack, because he loves me.

After dinner, which I have finally convinced him can be eaten somewhere other than in front of the TV, it's either me reading and him watching something, usually the game; or it's me watching a documentary and him trying to distract me. Have I mentioned what a devious bastard he is? The man figured out my weak spot and goes for it time and again.

My feet are ticklish. Jack knows it, and he uses it against me whenever he thinks it's necessary, and sometimes when it isn't. I'll be sitting on the couch, nice as you please, Jack cuddled up next to me because he insists this is the way everyone does it. It's not, he knows it and I know it, but I'm not going to tell him that. It makes him feel more secure if he thinks he can get a few things past me. Besides, I like it.

Back to the feet, we'll be sitting there and he'll start to take off my shoes to give my feet a rub. I should be onto this by now, but the manipulative sneak knows just when to do it, when I'm really engrossed in what's going on. All of the sudden my feet will be in an arm lock and he'll be going to town, and he rarely stops until I'm screaming with laughter and begging to get away. Then he'll climb over me and lay down on me until our noses are almost touching. That's when the real fun starts.

I'm coming off like the put upon virgin here, but this goes both ways. Jack has yet to get through an entire game since we started going together. I'm not the only one capable of being distracted in this relationship. It's those things that always come to mind whenever I think of Jack. The small, seemingly insignificant little minutes that add up to our lives together, but they're the minutes that mean the most to me, the ones I hold close to my heart. The times when I can be just Daniel, and he's just Jack.

That's what I ended up telling Sam, I love Jack for a lot of reasons, but most of all I love him because of who he is. Just Jack. She said she understood, that's the way it is between her and Janet, and in the end, isn't that what matters? Loving someone because they're _them_, not who you want them to be, and them loving you in return, because you're just you.

The End


End file.
